)
My first story to tell dates back to the lovely high school years; me being a smart, yet naive Junior. My best friend Frankie and I considered ourselves to be somewhat popular....aka we sat at the right lunch tables, caused a ruckus at the back of the classrooms, got invited to weekend parties, and always had dates to the Prom. Now let me paint a picture for you....
Me: Short, loooong-ass brunette hair, athletic, sassy, etc. etc...Minus the occasional flirting with my history teacher, I walked the "straight and narrow" - managing to graduate with an Honors degree and more than a few full-ride scholarship offers to reputable schools.
Frankie: Hawaiian, awkward, hilarious, musically inclined, etc. Maybe he smoked a little too much weed, but everyone loved him for it!
Frankie, even more naive than I, became lucky enough to meet an amazing girl that attended the rival high school.
Her: blonde bombshell with C-cup boobs, on the cheerleading team, drove a Jeep Wrangler, and wore Juicy on the reg. (HELLOOOOO matching sweat suits!) - ummmm excuse me, NO I am not jealous! Okay maybe a little.....
Long story short, they began to date. Shocking, I know. But rah rah rah GOOOO Frankie (did you catch that cheerleader innuendo?)! Three months into their relationship, Frankie approached me in a very serious tone.
"Ummm...Jordan, can I talk to you about something"
*insert scared face here*
"Uhhh Yeah, whats up Frank"
"Sooo have you...like.......I mean I know you....So I need some help...And ummm...."
*insert annoyed face here*
"Frankie spit it out already"
".....okay so I really really like Morgan," he began...then it turned into a mumble/rant/slosh of words that went something like this.."I really like Morgan andiwannahavesexwithherandyouknow
moreaboutsexthanmesowillyouhave
sexwithmeandteachmehowtodoitso
idontfuckthisup"
*insert completely shocked face*
So naturally, being the giving person I am (completely joking...kinda....not really...unless we are talking about BJs....then yes), I helped a brotha out!
Dirty deets: it was not only the most awkward sex I ever had in my life, but he was top three smallest penises I have ever encountered. I'm talkin....less than four inches!!! Okay, and you know the type of sex that is so boring, you don't know what to do with yourself? Yeah...this was worse...He could barely get it up. I was like NOOO Frankie NOOO.
Poor guy, no wonder they didnt last long....I would like to think I coached him through finding the motion of the ocean, but apparently this Hawaiian was not feelin the wave :/
In summary, hooking up with your best friend in the playroom where his 4-year-old brother watches cartoons is probably not the best idea. Also, boys, please buy the right size condom...Nothing more icky than pulling a condom out of your hoo-hah after awkward silent sex.
Until next time my dirty sluts (or maybe it's just me),
J. Swan
So guys. Welcome to the Sexcapades of me, myself and I....Oh and those guys you will soon come to know and (hopefully) love. As I created a skeleton/outline for this blog to get you guys caught up, I got really excited to share the many ridiculous and somewhat embarrassing stories I have to tell. Hopefully you guys will find enjoyment from my encounters....If not, well BYE! ;My first story to tell dates back to the lovely high school years; me being a smart, yet naive Junior. My best friend Frankie and I considered ourselves to be somewhat popular....aka we sat at the right lunch tables, caused a ruckus at the back of the classrooms, got invited to weekend parties, and always had dates to the Prom. Now let me paint a picture for you....
Me: Short, loooong-ass brunette hair, athletic, sassy, etc. etc...Minus the occasional flirting with my history teacher, I walked the "straight and narrow" - managing to graduate with an Honors degree and more than a few full-ride scholarship offers to reputable schools.
Frankie: Hawaiian, awkward, hilarious, musically inclined, etc. Maybe he smoked a little too much weed, but everyone loved him for it!
Frankie, even more naive than I, became lucky enough to meet an amazing girl that attended the rival high school.
Her: blonde bombshell with C-cup boobs, on the cheerleading team, drove a Jeep Wrangler, and wore Juicy on the reg. (HELLOOOOO matching sweat suits!) - ummmm excuse me, NO I am not jealous! Okay maybe a little.....
Long story short, they began to date. Shocking, I know. But rah rah rah GOOOO Frankie (did you catch that cheerleader innuendo?)! Three months into their relationship, Frankie approached me in a very serious tone.
"Ummm...Jordan, can I talk to you about something"
*insert scared face here*
"Uhhh Yeah, whats up Frank"
"Sooo have you...like.......I mean I know you....So I need some help...And ummm...."
*insert annoyed face here*
"Frankie spit it out already"
".....okay so I really really like Morgan," he began...then it turned into a mumble/rant/slosh of words that went something like this.."I really like Morgan andiwannahavesexwithherandyouknow
moreaboutsexthanmesowillyouhave
sexwithmeandteachmehowtodoitso
idontfuckthisup"
*insert completely shocked face*
So naturally, being the giving person I am (completely joking...kinda....not really...unless we are talking about BJs....then yes), I helped a brotha out!
Dirty deets: it was not only the most awkward sex I ever had in my life, but he was top three smallest penises I have ever encountered. I'm talkin....less than four inches!!! Okay, and you know the type of sex that is so boring, you don't know what to do with yourself? Yeah...this was worse...He could barely get it up. I was like NOOO Frankie NOOO.
Poor guy, no wonder they didnt last long....I would like to think I coached him through finding the motion of the ocean, but apparently this Hawaiian was not feelin the wave :/
In summary, hooking up with your best friend in the playroom where his 4-year-old brother watches cartoons is probably not the best idea. Also, boys, please buy the right size condom...Nothing more icky than pulling a condom out of your hoo-hah after awkward silent sex.
Until next time my dirty sluts (or maybe it's just me),
J. Swan